30 day blog challenge day eight
Day 8 – Examine your relationship with your mom.
My relationship with my mom has been one of those relationships that have gone up and down over the years. We have had our good times, bad times, and our really really bad times. Lately its been a lot better. We’ve argued, and fought over stupid things… and we always seem to be able to forgive each other. When I was younger, she was sick a lot, slept a lot, so we didn’t do too many things together. When we did do things together, it was a lot of fun and very memorable. I can’t pretend things are perfect in our relationship. We still have struggles with each other but for the most part right now we have a pretty good relationship. We both do a lot for each other, and love each other very much. I know my mom reads my blog, so I want to add something that is a little different to this post. I would like to write my mom a little letter to read whenever she happens upon it.
So I know things have been totally crazy lately. With me and Amber moving back in, me meeting David, Amber getting pregnant unexpectedly, and so many other things. I just want to let you know how much I love you. I love you sooo much, like you can yell at me all you want and call me names (however hurtful they may be) but I know you love me just as much. Wanna know why? Because out of everyone in my life, with the exception of my kids, you have always been there for me no matter what, even when all of those bad things were happening that you and I both regret so much. I don’t know why but I feel like in the last six months and especially the last month I have grown a lot as a person. I don’t know if it was the flagship program or going to the hospital that made it hit home but I am extremely grateful to be alive, happy, healthy, taken care of, able to take of others and have you in my life. Everyday I worry about you, because I know your health is not what we want it to be. I don’t want to say it would kill me to not have you in my life because I know one day (not one day soon) it will happen, I just don’t know what I would do without you in my life right now.
I feel like our relationship has grown by leaps and bounds. Lets not let it regress? I want us to be friends like you wanted when I was younger because mom, I am a big girl now I understand what it is to be a mom and a good daughter now. We have both made stupid decisions, and you have even told me that you don’t think you have been a good mom in the past but you know what I think? I think you have always been a good mom because even though you have pushed me out a few times, you ALWAYS made sure I was ok, even if sometimes I lied to you. You never turned your back on me, simply gave me space to learn from my mistakes and not have to live with them yourself. For this I am grateful. Even though there is things you would take back, I wouldn’t because if they were taken back I might not even be here today. James saved my life and the fact that you loved him as much as your own sustained it and I hope this is the same for Suzy and Amber. She’s just hurting inside right now and all we can do is tell her we love her everyday and make sure she knows we are here for her like you did for me. One day it will pay off. You are a great mom, an amazing meemaw and no one knows it better than me! Keep it up! You are the light in our lives, in such a dark dark time that has befallen the entire existence of Earth. No money, food, person, thing or place will ever make me love you less.. and my father can kiss my butt if he wants to treat two people that are so close to me like he has. That alone is enough for me to tell him how much or a lowlife he has been. Tomorrow I have to examine mine and his relationship… that should be interesting but I can do it.. because you taught me to have strength. I wasn’t born with it you gave it to me!