I have had these forever and I have finally decided to share them with the world
Thank you S. for nominating me! I feel truly honored for this, you are an amazing woman and I get to know you better everyday! I can’t wait to see what the future hold and I really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for doing this ❤
THANKS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!
Anyway the rules for this award are that I have to post the picture with a link back to the person who nominated me and then nominate six others.
(keep in mind the #1 person I would recommend happened to nominate me and you can get to her site by clicking the photo above)
Hope they all get this! I am fairly new and Don’t have many followers yet.. If you fallow me feel free to leave me comments so I know who you are! Thanks again Missy S for this awesome blog award I love it!
Day 11 – Find an inspiring photo of a place you would like to live and discuss why.
This is a photo from Holland. I don’t know why I have always wanted to visit there honestly.. its just pulled me from the first day I saw the beautiful tulips and canals.. I would love to see it in person and travel to many different places there. I have always wanted to visit Amsterdam which is just as gorgeous. I would much rather be in the plains though where there is pretty fields of flowers and green everywhere. Here is a photo of Amsterdam that I have had forever and has made me wanted to visit/ live there for many years.
Day 10 – Reflect on what went right with your goal from day 7 and what went wrong.
Well, nothing went right about my goal, I was able to do laundry but that was about it. What went wrong, well having to deal with dinner, and getting James to bed, being tired and wanting to sleep, then this weekend we had family visit and it was just totally crazy our attention was focused 100% on them.. hopefully I can get it done by the end of this week (fingers crossed)
Day 9 – Examine your relationship with your dad.
I couldn’t think of what to write about my father so I will let the messages do the speaking for me. Besides the text that said “piss off and lose my number” this was our last communications. Enjoy.
I have went over in my head a million times what I can do to tell you how I feel or to get a point across, and I honestly don’t think that talking to you in person will do me any good whatsoever, as since me and Amber were babies the only conversations that have ever gone on have been yelling and NEGATIVE. I remember that conversation we had about how all I do is attract negative attention to myself and honestly, I don’t think that applies to me anymore and I don’t want to sit in front of you and have to explain myself to you. I know that there is something going on with you and you’re attracting all kinds of negative attention from lots of people including me. All you do is sit there and talk about how crappy we are and this and that but you don’t have a clue what kind of people we are and how we conduct ourselves on a regular basis. I am a 23 year old woman, a mother, and a daughter. I am smart, beautiful and caring towards other people. I have two boys, and David’s daughter which I successfully care for on a regular basis. I am strong, patient and persistent. I spend a considerable amount of time trying to make money to support not only them and me, but my other family as well. I have an amazing boyfriend that I have been with for 11 months now, who treats me better than ANY man has ever treated me. He knows me well enough to know what I need and who he needs to be to be with me. We have a great relationship, we talk over our problems (of which there are few) and we give each other as much love and support as we possibly can. We have plans for the future, including getting a home, marriage and one day kids too. We hardly ever fight, and when we do, its out of anger and frustration brought on my outside influences which we can’t control. Every day, I wake up and 6:00am to wake up James for school. I then wake up David at 6:30am to get ready for work. While he’s getting ready for work, I get ready for job training. At 7:15 I get James to get his shoes on and leave for school. I sign his daily progress for school every morning. He’s gone from having 6-7 sad faces a day at the start of the year to having 1-3 sad faces a day now. After I say bye to him, I get on the bus to travel an hour and a half to 47th and Peoria to do job readiness, and on March 2nd I start GED training. I sit here all day learning and searching for jobs. I get off at 4:00pm, then either wait for David to get off work (he works down the street) or ride the bus back home. I make sure James has been picked up from daycare and I make my way home. I cook dinner for Me, mom, Amber, David and the kids. After dinner I send David off to school, get James to bed, do my cleaning, wait to see David and go to bed myself. 6 hours later I wake up and do it all again! I have a busy fulfilling life, that I wish you were a part of, but instead you are acting like a stranger that’s trying to judge someone they don’t even know. Did you know any of those things about me? Because as far as I know, the things you think you know about me are either OLD NEWS or not even true! I am not 14 anymore; you need to stop acting like I am. I have my own life that I control and I actually enjoy it. About the toys, I really don’t care about the fact that these people that think they are family to me lost out on their precious cars for a few months. I didn’t send them because I was angry and didn’t think I needed to kiss anyones ass over nascar TOYS. THAT’S NOT MY IDEA OF FAMILY! IT NEVER WILL BE! You can tell them I don’t care cuz I don’t. What are they going to do? Or you? Tell me I am setting a bad example for my kids? You’re a shining example of that! You have never been a good role model for me or Amber or my kids… you show me how not to treat people and how not to act. Talking about being smart is one thing but actions speak way louder than words. Yes my son does have every fucking thing he can possibly want that we can give him because on a constant basis that little boy is trying so hard to improve himself and his school and personal life. He’s a brilliant kid who responds way better to reasoning than a lot of grown ass men I have met including you. You have no idea how to be a dad let alone a father. You had no right to come over today and stress Amber out, when she’s going through all of the things that she is…. You better never treat her like a whore like you do me!! I don’t know what she plans to do about yours and her relationship but I am telling you right now, I am done. I don’t want your negative influence on my life anymore and since I have given you 11 years and nothing’s changed I don’t expect it to. I hope your little fake family up north can give you all the satisfaction you need in your life because me and my kids don’t deserve our happiness to be threatened by someone who doesn’t even know us. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. I love you, but I am moving on with my life and so should you. I don’t care you would like to respond you can, but I am sure all it will be is unmanageable and irrational so if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all…. I love you and always will because you’re my dad… I just can’t deal with the stress anymore. I don’t ever want James to know the things you have said or wil say about him… he deserves better than that!
you have lost your mind completely!! guess your mother did another great job of translateing what i said..didnt cut on the kid. just you for teaching him to be a thief ! um the yelling and negitive shit in your childhood was your fkn mother ..because i was out bustin my ass to provide for you..had i known that she was home hateing her own children for fkn up her life..i would have gotten rid of her a long time ago and saved you and your child from the hiddous beatings that you were taught to pass on as LOVE!!as far as me treating you like an 14 year old..or a whore..??W T F >…again you have lost your fkn mind..and all those things you are doing NOW for yourself and your child..should have started a long time ago..so you got what 6 months of gettin off your ass and doin something possitive…will be sendin you your fkn parent of the year award A S A P…so go ahead and blame me for all your problems..put on those rose colored glasses that have been handed down to you..i love you very much sweety..i cant fix what your mother has done.and im very sorry for that.. do your self a favor and take a dose of those mushrooms and free your self from that prison she built for you..and love your kids like she never did…see ya some day when thigs are better for you i hope.. i am proud to be your dad ..like it or not ..i will miss you and your smile..xo xo;(
I can’t believe you would insinuate such things. My life is better for me that’s what you don’t seem to get. Just because you seem to think I sit on my ass all the time… you really don’t know me do you!!! PEACE OUT!!!!
Dad I don’t think you understand how much you hurt my feelings giving judgement on me and James like you have. I wish you wouldn’t be so pissed at me all the time, it seems like you have been ever since you and mom split. All I have ever wanted from you was acceptance and love? You know, I’m not a bad person, I have been a very confused and lost little girl for many years and it took me having a man in my life that could tell me how much I was worth to make it all click in my head. I just want to put it out there that I have not once said I didn’t want to see you or have a relationship with you. I felt like because James did what he did, you got so mad at me you didn’t even want to see me and you know James has done that, sure, but your oldest and youngest daughters made mistakes like that and you’ve never blamed yourself so how I am at fault? I am doing my best to raise a young man and I am only 23 dad. I have had little support until recently and its been tough but James is brilliant, he is healthy, and hes very mature for his age. I think I am doing alright? I just wish you could see that instead of only seeing the bad things. My health has been really bad lately, and I have been working fulltime regaurdless. I am doing good for myself and I will continue to grow and learn. I am 23 I am not 43… please don’t expect me to be perfect, or even great? I am doing my best with the foundation I have been given. I love you and always will. Hope I am not just bugging you and pissing you off more because thats not what I want but I am really concerned about you.. the way you’re acting is just so much different from the person I thought I had known for so long? If theres anything I can do to help, I would. The only thing is I don’t want to lose grandpas stuff, it means so much to me.. I loved him too dad. I have had that stuff for over 10 years I don’t think its fair to lose it this way. I hope your well and healthy.
SO I saw this cool picture posted on S.’s page and I thought to myself this would be something awesome to duplicate in my own way. So I grabbed one of my Blackhawk photos and went for it!
Please not that the kitty photo was re-blogged. I hope you all like my version. 🙂
Day 8 – Examine your relationship with your mom.
My relationship with my mom has been one of those relationships that have gone up and down over the years. We have had our good times, bad times, and our really really bad times. Lately its been a lot better. We’ve argued, and fought over stupid things… and we always seem to be able to forgive each other. When I was younger, she was sick a lot, slept a lot, so we didn’t do too many things together. When we did do things together, it was a lot of fun and very memorable. I can’t pretend things are perfect in our relationship. We still have struggles with each other but for the most part right now we have a pretty good relationship. We both do a lot for each other, and love each other very much. I know my mom reads my blog, so I want to add something that is a little different to this post. I would like to write my mom a little letter to read whenever she happens upon it.
So I know things have been totally crazy lately. With me and Amber moving back in, me meeting David, Amber getting pregnant unexpectedly, and so many other things. I just want to let you know how much I love you. I love you sooo much, like you can yell at me all you want and call me names (however hurtful they may be) but I know you love me just as much. Wanna know why? Because out of everyone in my life, with the exception of my kids, you have always been there for me no matter what, even when all of those bad things were happening that you and I both regret so much. I don’t know why but I feel like in the last six months and especially the last month I have grown a lot as a person. I don’t know if it was the flagship program or going to the hospital that made it hit home but I am extremely grateful to be alive, happy, healthy, taken care of, able to take of others and have you in my life. Everyday I worry about you, because I know your health is not what we want it to be. I don’t want to say it would kill me to not have you in my life because I know one day (not one day soon) it will happen, I just don’t know what I would do without you in my life right now.
I feel like our relationship has grown by leaps and bounds. Lets not let it regress? I want us to be friends like you wanted when I was younger because mom, I am a big girl now I understand what it is to be a mom and a good daughter now. We have both made stupid decisions, and you have even told me that you don’t think you have been a good mom in the past but you know what I think? I think you have always been a good mom because even though you have pushed me out a few times, you ALWAYS made sure I was ok, even if sometimes I lied to you. You never turned your back on me, simply gave me space to learn from my mistakes and not have to live with them yourself. For this I am grateful. Even though there is things you would take back, I wouldn’t because if they were taken back I might not even be here today. James saved my life and the fact that you loved him as much as your own sustained it and I hope this is the same for Suzy and Amber. She’s just hurting inside right now and all we can do is tell her we love her everyday and make sure she knows we are here for her like you did for me. One day it will pay off. You are a great mom, an amazing meemaw and no one knows it better than me! Keep it up! You are the light in our lives, in such a dark dark time that has befallen the entire existence of Earth. No money, food, person, thing or place will ever make me love you less.. and my father can kiss my butt if he wants to treat two people that are so close to me like he has. That alone is enough for me to tell him how much or a lowlife he has been. Tomorrow I have to examine mine and his relationship… that should be interesting but I can do it.. because you taught me to have strength. I wasn’t born with it you gave it to me!
Day 7 – Create a goal that you can achieve within three days and why it is important.
My 3 day goal is to get my basement clean. It might be a simple one but its really got a lot more to it that it might seem. It means cleaning my room, cleaning my bathroom, cleaning Nicole’s room, and cleaning the cats room. Yes my cats have a room… its mostly kitty litter boxes. I put off cleaning it because I am allergic and end up feeling totally miserable afterwards. Yeah I know I should not even have cats if I am allergic but I do anyways. I have always been stubborn like that 😉 I need to do it badly because since I have started working I have neglected it.
Hopefully it will be a goal I can stick to and not be too tired to do it when I get home.